Babies, Depression, and the Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust

My beautiful god-son was born last thursday. i am very proud. he is healthy, so is mommy, and everyone is glowing with joy that we finally got one back. Babies remind you of life, and how wonderful it is that even when we are surrounded by pain and war and suffering, that the world still goes on. life persists even in unlikely places. plants grow out of barren earth, trees sprout up in empty lots littered with broken glass and trash, and babies are born to a group of people who have lost a lot of friends and family. it was a pretty wild experience.


Halloween recap:
I made a stunning appearance as Ziggy Stardust, however, because of my excess of pigment, i was also confused with the following: a harajuku girl(ew), an anime character, and my personal favorite: the Filipino Tina Turner.

Halloween always brings up a surge of emotions.

First there is the confusion, "What the hell am i going to be?!" you might ask yourself.

then the excitement, "Oh f* yeah, i know exactly what my costume is gonna be, this is gonna be so friggin' sweet".


Followed by panic, "What if I can't get my costume together in time?"

then, if you're like me, you stay up a few nights in a row constructing a satin taffeta kimono and painting cherry blossom trees on it until you feel like your fingers are bleeding, (or they really are bleeding).


then you finish the costume and there is a great feeling of pride and success "I actually finished something!!"


Halloween day: you spend hours on your makeup, painting pink streaks across your face, trying to embody the bony, emaciated persona of ziggy stardust without having to take all the drugs and sleep with all the rock stars.


you get to wherever it is that you're going that day and everyone is in awe that you are so into it. they are amazed at your passion for dressing up. you get compliments all day and you are very happy, floating on a cloud of recognition and feeling the wind in your blond mullet wig.


you wake up the next morning after not really having done anything that "halloweeny" the night before. there is a small rush of disappointment and you get out of bed and wash the pink out of your eyelids.


it occurs to me, at this point, that the day between halloween and the second of november is a kind of purgatory for me. what America calls "All saints day" is the day between halloween and Día de los muertos for me. there is nothing in between. it falls between the two most extravagant holidays of the year.


day of the dead brings up feelings too. there is sadness from loss, there is the relief of knowing that for one day a year, people like me celebrate death as an integral part of life. it is comforting to know that on this day, people acknowledge the grief and pain that loss brings, but that they do it by celebrating. for one day, they remember what it was like to have that person with them. they call them back to visit our world and to remember what it was like to be alive.


so to bring it back, today, i am celebrating the full cycle of life. from start to end to start again. my week has brought me around full circle.